It’s the mean, mean monster that’s been eating me alive for the past few weeks. Some days are far worse than others. Some days truly scare me to death. In the long run? I refuse to be medicated and am trying my best to get it under control myself. It’s made packing quite difficult and other endless anxieties. Combined with my bad back it is awful. Had strange symptoms pop up that I didn’t even know about until I had them, then looked them up to discover it was my anxiety again. I was on the master cleanse for a few days since I’ve had nearly no appetite for the last few weeks, but finally broke it the other day so I could take a bunch of naproxen sodium to ease both my chest pains and back enough to keep packing. Still not eating very much, as it is difficult to without an appetite, but do so at least once a day. I’m avoiding coffee altogether as a close friend expressed I shouldn’t go near it with anxiety. Seriously, anxiety has always nipped at my heels, but since the incident where I had a panic attack that lasted over thirty minutes there’s been a lot of issues that scare me.
I refuse to be medicated and put evil into my body. I’m going to try to keep it under control with some methods a close friend suggested and hopefully by using them it will get better with time.
Did have a very good and positive talk with my dad earlier today. I was deflated shortly after by someone else, but decided to end the phone call and calm down. I received a letter from my new assigned pen pal the other day and she discussed having bad anxiety. I think I got her for some strange universal reason. Will write her back when I’m staying overnight in a hotel on Thursday.
Despite being discouraged to, I decided it was best to leave the house for a few hours to take a walk and get a little bit of exercise. I am holed away in a small local coffee shop, listening to classical music and on wifi. I needed this very much and had to submit my stories to an anthology on time. The walk back will be good. When I get home I’ll clean up the entire kitchen, tackle the bathroom in early AM hours and pack after I work on the kitchen. Throwing out a lot of things. Everything is in little boxes I got from the state liquor store. Far easier on my back too.
Finally sent in my artwork and fiction submissions to one of my deadline anthologies. I began working on another semi-planned novel that’s in the guise of fan fiction to see how well it does. If it does well, I’m going to change all of the names in there and try to publish. I just really needed a piece that didn’t put a heavy amount of pressure on me and without a deadline. It’s under my old pen name that I won’t reveal. It’s going really, really well so far. I’m going to start posting it sometime next week and a friend is going to host it on her website.
Not sure if I can go to WHC still. I was emailed about going to the booth for Hazardous Press, but had to reply saying I was not sure if I can attend or not. I asked about art and they’re checking on it for me. If I can go and sell some of my art that would be amazing. I’m pretty good with duplicating my own pieces as my analyzing eye is well-trained with it. It’s partly why I am able to draw as well as I do. I really, really like the publisher a lot. It’s the one I am very loyal to and will go to first for publishing. I’m working on a story collection for them slowly too, fortunately I am not bound by the rules of submission dates as I’ve done a project for them before. Hopefully I do get into the Shifters anthology.